Thursday, December 1, 2011

Get To Know Your Bloggers Week! Meet Tonino

Hello Tonino, how are you today?


I'm absolutely fantastic! One of my roommates and I just turned in an auditing project today and I'm practically chilling until Thanksgiving break! Well, I guess there is one tough track practice mixed in before then, but it sure does beat school work. Thanksgiving also happens to be one of my favorite celebrations of the year because it's all about food, and good food at that. Thanksgiving also means that I started blogging almost one year ago now. Upon returning from Thanksgiving break last year, I joined Chase in blogging creating Sycophantic Laughter, which has provided me with oodles of entertainment! I have found limitless joy in blogging and I have so much fun scanning over previous blog posts and recalling the memories. Not to mention how great it is to read my other friends' blogs, and when I say that, I mean Chase's and my sister's blogs. I'm also listening to Incubus right now, a very good band, and that always makes for a good time. I'm looking forward to the Thanksgiving mini-break because I'm going to see some of my friends from back home and watch an the amazing Adam West Batman movie!



In general, I'm just in a good mood right now, as long as I can put aside the severe discomfort I have with my major and the obnoxious prospect that my coach might not let me run the hurdles in our first meet this year. But back to the positives, lately I've been in contact with a lot of people that are important to me and that just makes me happy and I'm going to see some of these people very soon! Oh yeah, I'm also uber-excited to tell everyone a little about myself by answering these questions! So, without further ado...


What do you enjoy the most about blogging?


I absolutely love blogging because I am allowed to freely express myself. I write about what I want, when I want, and nobody can criticize my writing. Well, people could criticize my writing style, but I have no reason to care, and I don't anyway. I also find a certain comedic value in blogging because there are only three people that really read some of my posts, not including me of course. However, that does not detract from the joy I experience from blogging! I enjoy blogging about occurrences in my life, funny events, things that bother me, and flat out randomness. I am big on randomness, probably why I like Monty Python so much, the creators of "now for something completely different," a style that I admire. I'm thinking about trying to get more of my friends to read my blog and my friends' blogs and maybe get some actual circulation going on, but who knows what will actually happen. Blogging also creates a sort of amusing timeline, I've had some experiences that I will not forget now simply because I recall blogging about them. Blogging allows the author(s) to explore his or her (their) thoughts and use unique creativity (take that creativity crisis) to illustrate these ideas. I want to promote my creativeness on Sycophantic Laughter by posting blog posts of different styles. I've done one vlog (video blog!) and it was rather entertaining to make, so I hope to do more of those in the future and maybe get some other different things in there. That brings me to the straight up genius of this post, which was not my idea at all, it belongs to Chase. I would like to commend him right here, in blog lore, for this absolutely brilliant idea! Look at that, more creativity! If you teach "creativity," would not every one be "creative" in the same way, making them not creative?




Writing also happens to be something I very much like and enjoy. I probably should have been some type of major that requires writing and studying people, but that's what I like to do for fun. I flat out have a great time writing about what goes on in my life and about my thoughts on various topics while employing my own writing style and unique creativity, that's why I love to blog.


If you had a Batman costume, how often would you wear it?


Batman is my number one favorite superhero of all time. I totally dig the way he beats the pulp out of baddies with his bare hands! And he uses all sorts of sweet gadgets! As a Batman fanatic, I would wear a Batman costume every night. Batman does his work primarily at night, like bats (who would have guessed!), so I would follow suit. Imagine going out to dinner or grocery shopping in a Batman suit? Another issue must be addressed here: which Batman suit would I wear? Batman has been depicted in modern contemporary cinema and television in multiple ways. I think I would go with the Adam West Batman costume (see first picture of this post) because of its sheer hilarity. I really enjoy laughing at just about everything, and that costume, well, simply comical. I could also carry around shark repellent!

Someone actually tried to make shark repellent!?
Another great thing about Batman's costume, and some other superheroes, is that you get to wear your underwear on top of your pants! So, the nighttime is a good time to wear the Batman costume. Get home from work and throw on the Batsuit, lurk in the shadows, and probably either disturb the general public or give them something to laugh at.


When I say "Savage Garden" what is the first thing that you think of?


Savage Garden, now there's a band that brings back memories that are absolutely unrelated to anything the band did. The answer to this question is that Savage Garden makes me think of Brazil. I debated leaving just that as the answer and not explaining at all, but I'm not. Savage Garden's song Truly Madly Deeply came out/got really popular while my family and I were living in Brazil. I was very young at this time, but I have many memories that will remain with me for the remainder of my life having created indelible marks in my mind. As for this song, I remember riding the bus to school in the morning and hearing it on the radio all the time. Thinking about it now, that's incredibly random, what radio station were we listening to that plays Savage Garden? 3D Space Cadet Pinball also reminds me of Brazil, and is just about as random as Savage Garden. When in Brazil, I played that pinball game all the time. The game, despite its simplicity, is extremely addicting and I had insatiable desire to beat my all-time high score. I forget what that mark is now, but it was a respectable number, if I remember correctly.



Speaking of Savage Garden and Brazil, I should blog about some of my memories in Brazil. Those could carry some marginal entertainment value. I haven't really told many people about much of my experiences in Brazil so it would be some fresh material, too. Back to the question, though, Savage Garden makes me think of Brazil before anything else, I love randomness!


Tell me, in all honesty, what do you think about this Facebook thing?


Look at this question, I wonder what the answer is? Anyone who reads my blog, meaning all three of you, know that I do not like Facebook. Facebook, "helps you connect and share with the people in your life." I think the concept of Facebook is good, but  it is how people use Facebook that bothers the shit out of me (I may or may not have stained many pairs of undergarments). I happen to believe that practically everything on Facebook is absolutely pointless. Statuses, holy shit, now those are real pieces of shit. I could drone on about how stupid statuses are, but I think I covered that somewhat thoroughly in one of my anti-Facebook articles, which you can access at your own pleasure here. One of the other things that I cannot stand about Facebook is what it has done to people's lives. I think people do things just for the sake of Facebook. People don't go to parties anymore to have fun, they go to parties to take pictures for Facebook, or at least a very large amount of people do. I think my complaint is more with social networking than Facebook, actually. However, Facebook tends to piss me off the most because it is currently the most popular social networking site. I did hate MySpace at one point, too, but now it's for the most part irrelevant. I also don't like the way many people use Twitter, but hell, Facebook has Twitter built into it with the aforementioned status updates. As of now, Facebook serves basically one purpose for me, and that is to get in touch with a few people from time to time. Facebook just drives me insane because I don't care what other people are doing all the time, I don't care who's commenting on what or about all the photos from last night. I guess I could easily sum the whole thing up by stating I simply don't care. Facebook does everything in the site's power to remove privacy. What's the fun in that? I like some mystery in life, and I also like to speak to my friends about what's going on in their lives. I cannot wait for Facebook to fall, but another just as pointless site will probably take it's place. I'm really hoping that Google+ catches on because you can choose what people you want to share certain information with.


Other than Facebook, what else would you say you hate?


Now here's an interesting question. There are quite a few things that bother me, but hate implies that I really, really dislike something. One of the first things that comes to mind that I hate is quite simple. I hate the attitude that typical Americans have toward the sport of soccer. I don't know how soccer became such a disrespect sport in the United States, but it pisses me off.  I have actually developed a serious beef with many of the popular sports in the United States because of the lack of respect soccer gets. I find it entertaining when people say that soccer doesn't have enough action. I don't see how that is possible considering that play is ongoing. Studies have shown that football (American), a game that features four 15 minute quarters (an hour of game time for those of you who struggle with math), has 11 minutes of action. How is that not absurdly boring? Never mind how awfully the game plays out and how dependent the game is on absolutely stupid fouls. I won't hate on other sports too much here, but I hate how Americans treat soccer. Soccer is a beautiful game that takes skill, endurance, speed, and pure athletic ability. Everyone on a soccer team needs to be an athlete. I think Americans don't like soccer because the players don't need to put on pads and don't always try to batter the opposition to a pulp. Oh yeah, I also don't understand how some people can say that soccer is gay and then watch UFC. So intolerance for the greatest game on earth pisses me off and I can honestly say that I hate it.


Another thing that I hate is arrogant pricks with Doctorates. I have nothing against people who pursue and receive Doctorates, it certainly is a great, prestigious accomplishment. However, those people that think they're better than others because they have a Doctorate piss me off. I'm talking about the people that force you to address them as Doctor. What a bunch of shitheads these people are. Actually, now that I'm sitting here thinking about this, I hate people that think they're better than everyone else for some unknown reason. I've met some people who definitely think they're the shit, but it's more like they're arrogant pieces of shit.

You know what else I hate is the incorrect use of "trying to." This is a recently developed hatred of mine. I hate it when people say things like "hey man, you trying to go to dinner?" That's just fucking stupid. No, I'm not trying to go to dinner, I either want or do not want to go to dinner. "Are you trying to go out tonight?" No, I either want to or do not want to go out tonight. Trying implies that if you are attempting to do something, you might fail. You can try to get an "A" in a class, but no one tries to go to dinner. What the hell would that mean? If you are trying to go to dinner, would that mean that you were walking to the dinning hall and all of a sudden an invisible force field prevented you from getting there?

I'm going to be serious, there are definitely more things that I hate, but I think I have ranted enough for the moment. If you want to read more of my ranting, then keep checking this blog and Sycophantic Laughter to stay current on the things that are making me wet myself with rage.


Who on Earth would you most like to see with a mustache?


If I could see one person on Earth with a mustache, I would choose Lady Gaga. I would choose her because she somehow pulls off random, weird shit and does it with style and in a way that the general public accepts it. Normally no one would want to see a female with a mustache, but I think Lady Gaga could do it. Since I'm writing about Lady Gaga, I am will disclose that I am a fan of Lady Gaga, not because of her music, but because of who and what she is. I love how she's opposed to being normal and does as she pleases. Normal sucks, I want to do whatever I want, too, in the way that Lady Gaga does whatever she wants. She's different, knows it, and expresses it.



Lady Gaga does as she pleases, but harms no one or anything. She has the "I don't care what you think about me attitude" that I admire. I think people should do what makes them happy, regardless of how unorthodox it might seem. I am a huge fan of doing things in unorthodox ways. So do what you like because that will make you happy. Like George Carlin said, a man sitting at home jerking off isn't hurting anyone.


If you were building a soccer team, and you could only take Ronaldo or Jose Mourinho.  Who do you take?


Excellent question right here. Ronaldo, my favorite athlete of all time amazed me with his captivating assault on opposing defenses. Jose Mourinho, my favorite coach of all time, knows how to win and get the most out of his team while the media machine portrays him as an arrogant prick. Both of these men have my undying respect. I am going to answer this question as a decision between Mourinho and Ronaldo in his prime, as I believe it was intended. Ronaldo retired this past February, a true legend. If I were to build a soccer team and I could only choose one of these remarkable men, I would choose Jose Mourinho. Jose Mourinho has the ability to take a team and turn the players that comprise that team into champions. I have no doubt that Mourinho would get the utmost out of any team under his control. Ronaldo was an absolutely fantastic player, nicknamed Il Fenomeno (The Phenomenon) during his playing days. However, his prolific style of play cannot translate over to the entire team. Ronaldo was definitely an irreplaceable asset to whatever team he belonged to, but Mourinho has a gift for transforming teams into winners. Mourinho won the Champions League with FC Porto, a team that no one thinks of contending to win the tournament. Mourinho has also had success in the English Premier league (Chelsea), the Italian Serie A (Inter Milan, won treble in the 2009-2010 season), and is making great strides in Spain's La Liga (Real Madrid).


I would trust that Mourinho would bring in the right players, the ones who make a difference like a Ronaldo. Mourinho has proven this with the genius move he made while at Inter Milan. Somehow Mourinho managed to get Samuel Eto'o AND cash from Barcelona in exchange for Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He then proceeded to win the treble with Inter in the 2009-2010 campaign. Winning the treble means that the team won the domestic league, the domestic cup, and the Champions League (European cup). I would start with Mourinho because he knows how to build a team and get the most out of it. Ronaldo would only be a part of the team, which is why I would go with Mourinho over him, but I do believe he could make exceptional contributions to any team.


Both of these guys are/were ridiculously good at what they do/did and will remain my two favorite sports icons. What a tough decision to make to answer this question!


Summarize the following movies in one sentence:
Batman the Movie: Holy comedic genius, what a masterpiece!
Pulp Fiction: Samuel L. Jackson created a miracle, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it.
Zoolander: The inspiration for my future ambition.
Jurassic Park: Newman!
Borat: A truly great documentary.
The Shawshank Redemption: I have not seen this movie.
Toy Story: The start of the best animated movie trilogy.
Mona Lise Smile: Nor have I seen this one.

What is your favorite video on Youtube?




While in the YouTube state of mind, I must add that I love the Special1 TV series that can be viewed on the YouTube. Pure genius went into the making of that show. Jose Mourinho would inspire something so great, so clever, and so outrageously hilarious!


Favorite Holiday?


I'm going to have to go with Thanksgiving here. I don't like Thanksgiving because of the history behind it, I could give a shit about that, but what is great is its simplicity. You don't buy anyone gifts, which is a huge relief and it's all about eating. You go to someone's house and eat, eat, and eat some more. How could this not be an American holiday? All the food is good, for the most part, and you get to eat it!


Other than food, I don't really know what to say about Thanksgiving. Actually, I've thought of something. Thanksgiving is great because Hallmark didn't make it up so the company could sell shit, you get to eat and laugh at relatives! I enjoy studying people, so any type of family gathering amuses me.


How would you make your blog better if you actually had readers at all?


If I actually had readers for my blog, I would take suggestions regarding what to blog about. They could tell me if they want to hear about what my experiences in class are like for example, or ask me to rant about something that I might not think of. I would probably put more effort into making different types of posts, such as vlogs or something. In general, I would be open to feedback. I would want to know what the readers want to read about. I would take the readers' thoughts into consideration and possibly attempt to please them.


You are a well read man, what is your favorite piece of literature?


Currently, my favorite piece of literature is Huxley's Brave New World. I read Huxley's masterpiece this past summer and I think that everyone should read this book. Some people might be too stupid to understand it, but I think that illustrates the book's point in a way. The reason Brave New World is my favorite piece of literature is because I think Huxley accurately portrays the world as it exists today to some extent and I would not be surprised if the world becomes something like what he has written.


The ideas that Huxley presents I find fascinating and incredibly accurate. I have no idea why I don't own this book yet, but I definitely will at some point. Brave New World is about a world where people are a born into a certain life and are raised to love their servitude. I think that is what is happening in today's world, but people are simply unaware. I often wonder why my life is structured the way it is and I believe this book holds pieces of the answer. Huxley's Brave New World, read it.


Its currently on the news a lot, what is your take on the NBA lockout?


I like the NBA lockout because I am not a fan of the NBA. The majority of the people who play in the NBA are thugs and don't deserve to be idolized. A season without their influence is a a step in the right direction. Basketball is also another sport that I find myself having lots of problems with the game itself, just like I mentioned before with football. However, that has nothing to do with this question. I don't care if there is no NBA this year. I don't watch the NBA, the league is full of thugs, and the only good thing that has come of the NBA is the commercials for the league that featured Ali G.

What am I looking at? And where my gun at?



I think I've asked you enough questions for now, so please make the end of the post interesting for us.


I would like to pay my respects to Chase for coming up with the brilliant idea to have a question and answer session blog post. He also deserves credit for generating the questions. I had a great time answering all of them! Answering the questions really took some hard thought and time, I originally looked at these questions on November 14, but only just completed this post today, December 1. And now for something completely different (thank you again, Monty Python), a man (Toninho) with no middle name.

Scienter is the intent to deceive. Hamlet, along with other literary works, has never been read. The way we are taught to write sentences is bullshit. Linking verbs are dead, shit verbs. Shakespeare wrote all his plays, he even poked fun at Francis Bacon in Hamlet (hint: Bacon is Osric). George Carlin is correct. Imad.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Balance Between Home and School

I go to school about 2 and a half hours away from home, it isn't an obscenely long distance, but it does make for having pretty much two lives.  I only have one person that I know from home that goes to my school, and he is two years younger than I am so we never see each other often but make small talk when we do meet, its cool.  Since that connection is negligible there is nearly no common ground between each life, lets look into it. 
I needed to post this sometime.
At home I have a lot less people that I see on a regular basis, mostly my family.  When it comes to friends I only have a small tight-knit group of people that I tend to hang out with a lot.  Since this group is so small, I know them all extremely well, and they know me extremely well.  We have all been friends since at least the end of high school, so we have years and years of inside jokes between us, which always makes for great times.  We live in a suburb, so naturally that means we have absolutely nothing to do when we want to hang out, our typical hangouts tend to be just going over to someone's house and playing video games (which I figure is what people always do) but that isn't just our typical option, it is our only option.  Sometimes we go out to eat, which typically means going to Chili's or a similar "American" style chain restaurant, an activity that became a lot more interesting after we all became 21 and were finally able to get a few "adult beverages" at these restaurants.  We also have a few activities that are seasonal, occasional sledding in the winters, we used to play frisbee in the springs and summers, but that has given way to golfing for myself, and fall has nothing interesting to do at all, but I'm never around in the fall anyways.  There are two other things that I would do when I was home, the first was hanging out with my family, which is a typical activity in general, and I used to work at the local grocery store in my younger days, if you want to hear more on those activities I wrote about them in a previous article.  That basically sums up my life when I am still living at home.
Not my crew, but that kid does look like a THUMB!
At school things are a little different.  I have a lot more friends, who are a lot more diverse than my friends back home.  I have about three different groups that I hang out with at school, these groups still have overlapping members, but it is rare that we have everybody together at once so things kind of branch off into different groups.  We also have a lot of time that we spend hanging around and playing video games and stuff, but we don't usually go out to eat often as none of us have money because we are in college, we also don't golf or play frisbee at all, but we do on occasion play softball together, and we have an intramural soccer team which I play goalkeeper.  On weekends we tend to go out to parties a lot more often, as there are naturally more parties happening on a college campus than within a small group of friends in the suburbs.  As students, we have homework to do all the time and commonly can just be sitting in a general area all doing our own things, so my college life seems to be typical, but I have a lot of fun with it.
They sure are!
I realize that this post doesn't tread any new ground, and just states the typical things that people do at college, and in suburbs.  But you know what, it is my life and that is the way I live it and really enjoy it.  I hope you at least enjoyed all of the pictures I put out because they are pictures that I have enjoyed for a long time and needed to post at some point.  See y'all next time.
I can't believe it isn't magic!!!!!!!!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Movie Review with Apes!

Lately the film industry has produced numerous remakes and sequels. Good movie ideas are at a premium because so much has already been done. Sometimes it is too hard to come up with a brand new, unique idea and it is much easier to take a movie that has already been made and put a new spin to it, thus we have movies such as this summer's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes." Let's show how apes took over, what a great idea! I could take the Roger Ebert approach and say the movie sucks ass for many reasons, even though he didn't actually shit on Rise of the Planet of the Apes that much, but here's what I think.

I kind of like this attitude
I wasn't really sure what to expect from "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" when it hit theaters. I am not a fan of the Planet of the Apes, I never saw the original with Carlton Heston and I don't remember much of anything of the newer installment that came out some years ago. However, I am aware of the famous "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!" line, and yes, it was placed in "Rise of the Planet of the Apes," uttered by the guy who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films (hooray for fun facts!). Anyways, I found myself captivated by the opening sequences in the film. James Franco's character, Will Rodman, works for a company trying to find a cure for Alzheimers' disease. The drug, ALZ 112 is being tested on apes and there's a problem where one of the apes goes ape shit (haha!) and then the company orders to have all the apes put down and start working again on the formula. Will (Franco) takes a baby ape home with him, the only ape escaping termination at the hands of the Man. Will raises the ape and names it Caeser. Caeser is a very clever ape because the smarts gained by his mother from the ALZ 112 were passed down to him at birth.

Caeser is NOT home
I found the aforementioned part of the movie very intriguing and attention grabbing. I enjoyed the conflict of the imperfect formula, the struggle with the Man, and the growth of a unique ape in Caeser. In my estimation the movie went downhill when Caeser was admitted into some home for apes. I think Will put him there in an attempt to give Caeser more space to live and grow rather than be confined to his attic. So Caeser gets admitted to this ape home and he, along with the other apes, are treated extremely poorly by the staff, including Draco Malfoy. I guess Draco only plays dicks in movies, that's one way to make a living. Caeser wants to go home, he isn't allowed to, he gets pissed off, finds a way to escape from the ape home, goes back to Will's and steals some of the prototype Alzheimer's formula from the refrigerator (I don't know what it's doing there either), and exposes his fellow maltreated apes to the formula, and they devise a plan to break out. In the process of breaking out they beat the turd out of one of the employees!

I thought I was going to find nothing but milk!
What happens next is what I have the largest issue with in the movie. Caeser and his cronies escape and proceed to break out the apes in the zoo and Will's place of employment, which apparently has tons of apes. I think the amount of apes that are broken out is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tooooooooooooo large. They would definitely have THAT many apes in San Francisco! I also don't understand how all those apes would have the mental capacity to comprehend what is going on and be able to help Caeser and his fight for ape freedom. The movie was ruined with a big bang Hollywood ending. Mass ape exodus! The apes take down a helicopter and kill a black dude! At least I'm rather certain they killed him, he fell with the helicopter into the ocean and we all know he can't swim, right?

The little bastard looks so innocent
The movie is without a doubt set up for a sequel. I must say that I am curious to see where they go with this. I wonder if they'll have the apes take over planet earth or hijack a spaceship or something and go start their world on a different planet! The movie ends with Caeser and his cronies climbing to the top of the trees in forest nearest the Golden Gate bridge. I don't know why they climbed up there, I think it would have been funny if Caeser got to the top only to be shot and killed by a sniper! Game over, Caeser! I really think technology poses a greater threat to mankind (like Skynet in "The Terminator") than apes.


"Rise of the Planet of the Apes" is an entertaining film and is worth a watch. As I said before, the beginning is very good, I very much enjoyed the development of the situation, but the climax and finale were nothing special. Although, I do believe that many people will enjoy the way the movie ends because it is a Hollywood finish and that's what people like to see: large numbers of apes running rampant through San Francisco proving unstoppable by authority with firepower and helicopters. I give "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" a solid 7.2936 out of 10.001.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Great Success!

Retentive Gibberish has taken a great step forward this last day in the blogging world.  Today we became more respectable than the famed Boston Barstool Sports on the grounds that we have never had to use child pornography for a joke, and know that it would be wrong to do so.  My brother, who was once featured on BBS for a video in which he failed a backflip, when asked how he feels about being featured on the same website as Tom Brady's naked 3 year old son responded "I'm fucking disgusted."  Indeed we should all be fucking disgusted at the blogging world before us, so please continue to read Retentive Gibberish, we don't feature any porn (adult or child) because we are trying to be your diversion from it.
Notice how the children on our site are clothed.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Bat Out of Hell

I rather enjoyed reminiscing about past experiences, so I'm going to do it again! This particular experience occurred when I was a freshman in high school and I was at tryouts for the baseball team. For some reason I was practicing with the JV team, probably because I could field somewhat well. My fielding was one of my best areas in the game, if not my strongest. I think that I owe this to a drill which I thought of more as just having fun! My dad would stand at the edge of our driveway facing the garage. I would position myself in front of the garage armed only with my glove. My dad would then toss up tennis balls and hit them with a tennis racket toward the opening of the garage and I would field them! It was so much fun and probably the reason I could field somewhat smoothly.

I did a little bit of this, too
The weather around here sucks ass so we were having batting practice in our shitty gym where the batting cage was set up. We had a designated on deck circle where the person who was up next could get some practice swings in. I had just finished batting and I had gone back to my bag to put my bat away and take off my batting gloves. I would also like to add that my bag was nowhere near the designated on deck circle, who would have guessed. I had just finished putting my batting gloves in my bag when I stood up and turned around. What did I see when I turned around, not much but a blur and something hitting me in the face hard. I just stood there and touched the top of my right eye with my hand. When I looked at my hand it was covered in blood and I saw blood dripping to the floor. My teammates rushed me to the locker room where they did their best to clean me up and my mom was called to take me to the hospital. I'm sure the janitor loved me because now he had to clean up the long trail of blood!

This guy got off way too easy
Apparently I had been struck in the face with the bat wielded by my teammate who was on deck. I'm still certain that I was not in the on deck area, but who cares now, that was about six or seven years ago now. This was not just an ordinary bat either, it had a weight taped onto it, a practice bat. So I took a weighted bat to the face, more specifically, to my right eyebrow. My mom came to pick me up and brought me to the local hospital's emergency room. I still remember telling the emergency room people why I was there. The women on at that time looked at me horrified and asked me if I had been in a gang fight. Absolutely classic! Yeah, I got in a gang fight then got my mom to drive me to the hospital and calmly strolled into the emergency room, no big deal. I just hope for everyone's sake that the people who did this to me don't find us here, then shit's going down!

I had to wait forever in that emergency room. I remember seeing people walk out with the most miniscule issues, too. There was this one guy who came out with a band-aid on his thumb. Then there were those other people there complaining about the common cold, in the emergency room. I ended up getting three or four stitches and now there is a thin line on my eyebrow where hair no longer grows. I still remember going to school the next day, too. I had this patch over my eye and a couple of times I heard people say "hey, that must be the kid who got hit in the face with the bat."

Telling stories from my past is fun! Stay tuned for more coming soon! At least I hope coming soon.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Some of my Favorite Music Videos ...

Village People - Sex Over the Phone
Okay, now that I've got your attention I can move on to some other videos where I have to actually explain why I love them so.  Oh and somebody really needs to petition Lady Gaga to cover this song.

The Darkness - I Believe In a Thing Called Love


This video is so wonderful (as is the song) that I will have to walk you through all the things I love about this video so strap yourselves in!
0:23 - Sweet Headband in the bathtub dude!
0:32 - MAN ASS!
0:37 - I need a drying/rape monster in my house immediately!
0:40-0:51 - This little period taught me more about sex than anything else I have ever seen or heard.
1:03 - Does the bassist really need to walk out like a robot?
1:10 - Somebody just pressed the instant solo button!  (By the way this song has some awesome guitar work)
1:26 - Who can say they haven't been tormented by giant space crabs at some point in their life?
1:30 - Best thumbs up shot ever, everything is indeed "A-Okay".
1:39 - With the help of my spirit band and their harmony, I shall vanquish this monster with his own rock!
1:59 - Pause it and contemplate if you would rather be able to get away with having such terrible teeth as this guy, or being able to get away with wearing that headband.  I'd personally go with the headband.
2:04 - Is that some new age dildo?
2:08 - Commence amazing solo #2, and stay tuned for the greatest room ever created.
2:20 - Don't you want a Marshall amp?  I bet he got those wholesale.
2:31 - Blue fire room with amplifying archs!  And it cuts into the obligatory minutely shot of the other band members.
2:45 - Red unicorn lady?  I bet the singer took her to pound town.
2:49 - This is the best moment in any music video ever, I hope they did this at all their concerts ever.
3:06 - Ah, it is coming to an end, but not before we battle a GIANT SQUID!
3:27 - Yes, the drummer is utilizing the squid's appendages as part of his set, no biggie.
3:33 - This jump beats anything from any basketball game or Olympic event ever.
3:44 - Another great thumbs up shot for showing the true power of rock and roll!  Excellent song over.

Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage
Could and probably should have gone with this video, but I like this one just as much and it is a little more obscure than the other.


Not as action packed as the Darkness but I'll point out my favorite parts.
0:21 - Pencil Moustache = 100 points.
0:28 - Man? Woman? Natural? Intentional? Gloves?
0:46 - HIGH VOLTAGE!
1:00 - Now it is getting good!  Dramatic standing grasp..
1:08 - Have you ever seen anybody keep their mouth open larger and longer?
1:16 - 1:43 - Didn't expect it to go on that long did you?  But there were also some good moments in between.
1:23 - Going two hands there buddy?  It's gonna be a good day for him!
1:34 - That is what I call a handful of ass!
1:36 - Awkward eyebrows as if it wasn't strange enough.
2:11 - WET WILLY!  Part always kinda creeps me out.
2:17 - From the people who brought you dramatic standing grasp comes, explorer suits and a stuffed moose!
2:20 - Oh yeah, its so hot even the dead moose is feeling it.
2:32 - 2:40 - They are back for more and this time there was no cutscenes to take you away from this madness.
2:40 - 2:47 - I dare you not to be scared shitless by any one of these pieces of "art."
2:48 - Fire in the disco!
2:50 - What a cute family portrait!
2:56, 2:58, 3:00 - I'm pretty sure all three of these are the same shot.
3:04 - So that's where the saxophone was coming from!
3:17 - And you probably thought the wet willy was creepy earlier...
3:27 - Return of the wet willy!
3:38 - Fire in the Taco Bell?

These turned out to be a little longer than I intended, so leave a comment if you like this (suggestions?) and I'll try to do some more in the future.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Trees. Trees. Oh look! Trees!

It's been a little while since I've written here, probably would have written over the weekend but I was nowhere near technology for a couple days.  Yes my friends this means exactly what you think it means, the man who's interpretation of fun is crunching baseball stats on Microsoft Excel went on a weekend camping trip!
Nature!
The trip came out of nowhere for me, as I was minding my own business at home one day when I received a call from one of my housemates at school and while I was confused by why he was calling at the time, I had wanted to go visit that weekend so it was nice.  The next words he said were more or less "camping and canoeing, tomorrow, be there or be square" in which case my response was more or less "fuck yeah!"  In order to arrive at our school house at a decent hour I had to take the day off of work and leave early as I have a two and a half hour drive just to get there, so that too was kind of a nice consequence.  Things were going swimmingly on the drive up and I even got to play some X-men Arcade with one of my friends who wasn't going on our adventure.  But then things became more interesting.  We didn't leave for the camp until around 7:00 and it took about an hour just to get to the place we were going to push off with the canoes.  If you are not aware, that means it was starting to get very dark by the time we had all of our stuff put into the canoes and put them into the water.  This is when I found out two new pieces of information about our adventure, first that we had a 45 minute canoe out to the island we were staying on given you are experienced at canoeing, second I found that none of us were experienced at canoeing.
We aren't this good...
After taking about 20 minutes to figure out we were in the canoe backwards and another 15 to figure out how to pretend we were canoeing straight we started to canoe straight off into the massive lake.  The sun was going down rapidly and our island was far out of sight, but that did not break our resolve at all.  Now a couple of interesting things would happen, first once the sun was officially down and it was very dark out, and then fireworks filled up the sky!  Take this from me, there are not many things more awesome and peaceful than floating in the middle of a lake watching a fireworks display in what is pretty much perfect weather, it was amazing.  Then a little later when it was pretty much pitch black, we started going by a dock on what we now refer to as "Old Lady Island" in which we got heckled by the old lady inhabitants of the island.  They started yelling "What you are doing is dangerous" and "you guys should stick together" saying it as if both of these tidbits were completely foreign to us before meeting with them.  Really? Canoeing in the dark when we only have a few flashlights to make people aware of our presence is dangerous?  I would've thought it would be more dangerous to cross an empty street at noon, go figure.  Also, I don't know if these bitches ever rode in a canoe, but it isn't exactly a wheel turn to change your direction, it is difficult for us to stay as close as they would've liked (which would be more-or-less canoe buttfucking.)  
Isn't there a kitchen you should be in?
Eventually we found our island and campsite, which was right on top of another which was inhabited and the inhabitants were sleeping.  We decided to take up another empty one for the night and be prepared to leave if someone showed up the next morning.  What happened the rest of the night was a few beers and someone trying to throw a bowie knife into a tree, it was fun.  The next day was regular old camping experience, sit in the outdoors, go swimming in the lake and do camping-type stuff.  This was nice until  we had a park ranger come by and inform us that we had to move because the people who's campsite we took couldn't talk to us themselves, so we moved back on top of the inhabitants of the previous night.  This was a really annoying inconvenience to an otherwise relaxing day.  But once again the sun would go down and we would have some good old fashioned fun.  Drinks around a campfire and one friend became the topic of the night as he tried a to inhale a certain type of plant for the first time in his life, it was not a pretty sight as a normally outgoing kid was more or less comatose for the better part of an hour.  Don't worry though, he was fine, all he had to do was throw up in the tent right next to me and he was back to normal.  I guess he just went a little too far.  
Truly words to live by.
I don't recall anything particularly interesting happening on the last day besides moving back of the island and returning to civilization.  I eventually found myself back home and writing this so I figure all turned out well.  I also learned a valuable lesson, whenever you are doing anything you just have to remember two important things "what you are doing is dangerous!" and "you guys should stick together!"



Friday, July 29, 2011

I Said What?

Chase's comment on my most recent article brought up a very good memory from high school that I would like to share because it is marginally funny and entertaining. If anything, it might make you think about laughing or something. Anyways, it happened our final glorious year of high school. Chase and I, along with another of our friends, were blessed with the great fortune of placement in the same gym/study period. This was awesome because I didn't have to hang out with all the weirdos I didn't know, and it was the last period of the day so I could leave school early on the days we went to study!

Let me first provide a description of the gym class. Chase and I were without a doubt the minorities in a class filled with Puerto Ricans and probably some other ethnic groups. I'm too ignorant to know all the ethnic groups by which I was surrounded. Our other friend that I mentioned was in the class with us is Puerto Rican, but he's very different from his brethren. I'll refer to the other people in the gym class as the majority in this particular post. So, the majorities were the classic high school students who thought they were great at every sport, regardless if we were playing basketball, football, softball, it didn't matter, they thought they were great at it. No matter how many bricks they put up, how many passes they dropped, or how slow they actually moved, in their heads they were superstars. That must be why most of them didn't play any sports even at the high school level. My apologies, some of the majority might have been on the 3,209 person football roster.

Gym class itself was, and I have no doubt in my mind that it still is, a complete joke. Really all that the "physical education" teachers did was take attendance and then give us a ball. "Here's a basketball. Now try to get it in that hoop." I just remembered the stupid fitness test thing we had to pass each year, what a load of garbage. On this one particular day we were "playing" softball. I didn't give a shit about anything going on in gym class, so Chase, our majority friend, and I were just standing in the outfield chatting. Somehow we got on the subject of girlfriends. The conversation was flowing along smoothly, nothing out of the ordinary, until the utterance of the question. The question was served up by our majority friend. The question: "How about you, Toninho (I get to refer to myself in the third-person with my blog name!), have you ever had a girlfriend?" Before I get to the answer to this question, I must first give background information on my friendship with Chase and our majority friend.

I will start with our majority friend. I had first met him in fifth grade, I believe. So we certainly knew each other, but we hadn't hung out or anything at this point. We were on good terms and were beginning to develop a good friendship. I'll just say that we didn't know very much about one another in particular. As for Chase, I had just met him about halfway through the previous school year. I don't know why it took so long for our paths to cross, but we met in a totally awesome English class! We had hung out once outside of school for the first time at the very end of junior year and were in the process of mixing our groups of friends together. However, we still didn't know each other too well. So all three of us were friends, but not extremely close friends that know all the mannerisms and tendencies of each other, at least not at that point. Make a sense? That might be somewhat funny if you get it. If not, then you can blame China. This information is important when thinking about how my response to the question weighed between my companions.

The utterance of the question brought with it silence among the three of us. My simple, concise, straight to the point reply verbatim: "Nah, I'm pretty gay." Silence. More silence. And a little more silence. Then I laughed, bringing delight to our little pow-wow. This historic moment remains a focal point in the development of our friendship. I hope you enjoyed the story, and if you didn't, you can suck my big, fat, hairy left toe!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

An Excruciatingly Painful Relationship

I love video games, I hate video games. Quite often when I play video games by my lonesome, I end up in an uncontrollable fit of rage. Video games are very fun for the most part, but there's always some aspect or part of the game that just pisses me off to no avail. Regardless of how angry the games make me, I always come back for more. Most of the time, a gaming session starts out relatively fun, but there always seems to be that moment where I just get ass-raped and that is what makes me go on a hell-bent rampage. No, this is not an article about a horrible relationship I had with a girl.

Sophomore year of college I used to play Halo 3 all the time with the people I lived with. I had a great time and it was actually really fun to play with a team that you could communicate with by just yelling to the other room. The problem here is simple though, it is the same problem I run into at tremendous speed in every game I play online. Some people are just way too good and it makes it double plus ungood. I don't know how some people get so good at games like Halo, but I can take the stereotypical approach and assume that they live in their mom's basement and play games all day, after all, it's probably true. Anyways, it is very common that we would be stuck in a game with those assholes that run shit in Halo 3. The people that get perfect head shots with the battle rifle, but could beat the shit out of you with any weapon whenever they wanted. Other times it was those pieces of shit that stand outside the lifts with the swords and wait for people like me to come up so they can ram the sword in my asshole. These are the types of things that pissed me off and made me yell terrible things about how playing the game was worse than cancer.
 
Something all gamers should strive for
My ranting doesn't end with Halo 3, recently my anger has shifted to one of the 3,000 Call of Duty games, Black Ops to be specific. Lots of people who play that game seem to already have a year worth of gaming time when the game has only been out for about seven months. Yeah, I'm talking to you guys with your golden guns. I don't know why, but it always makes me extra mad when someone with a gold gun kills me. Those nine-million prestige bastards. I'm just trying to have some fun. I get my shit rocked in this game all the time, usually it's because I try to do stupid things and continue to get angrier with each death until it's absolutely unbearable and I have to stop playing.

Gordon Freeman, a man after my own heart
It's not only online gaming that pisses me off, I have a hatred for some parts of campaigns in games. This hatred is just not as prevalent because I don't get my ass beaten to a bloody pulp as often in campaigns. Believe me though, there are always difficult parts in campaigns that make me want to hit things. Sometimes I wish I could go back and watch myself rage because it's actually really funny from a third person perspective. I have considered getting one of those capture card things so I could record myself, but they're kind of expensive and I'd probably need to buy an external hard drive, too, so I would have space to store all my outbursts. I won't rule out the possibility of this happening though because it would sure make for some great entertainment!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Lets talk about Shortstops shall we?

I thought of an awesome way to whore myself out on the internet to get more views!  Unfortunately for you it doesn't have anything to do with actual whoring or the work of actual whores, but instead it will utilize my large passion for baseball and baseball stats.  I figure the times I wrote about baseball were some of my more popular articles from my own blog I Sometimes Call Myself Chase Robertson, so maybe it would work here at RG as well.  Since it seems to be a topic of interest in the last decade or two, I will specifically discuss the top shortstops in the game so far in the 2011 season.  Enjoy.

This statistical binge was due to seeing about the 100th great defensive play this year from Asdrubal Cabrera (sorry I couldn't find the video for the other amazing no-look double play he made today) and instantly tracking down my brother to ask him if he thinks Cabrera is officially one of the top 3 Shortstops in the game now that Hanley Ramirez decided that since he already gave up hustling and giving a shit on the field, that he would also give up hitting as well.  Needless to say this led to a long conversation about the Shortstops in the game, and naturally that led me to Baseball-Reference.com, Microsoft Excel, and a sabermetrical creation of my own that I like to call Run Independent Hitting, which more or less uses raw statistics that are not (read: minimally) biased to what team the player plays for, and spits out an estimate for how many runs they should have produced given such statistics.  I will also clarify that I consider runs produced to be runs and RBI with home runs subtracted since you get one run and one RBI for a home run, but the team only gains one on the scoreboard, so you only produce one run.  Also, since at this point in the season there are players who have been injured and missed time, so I am ranking players not on how many runs my formula says they would produce, but rather how many runs they produce for every 27 outs they would make, or how many runs would be produced in a game if they were the entire offense.  Lets start with the stinkers!

Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel
Worst: Rafael Fucal, Los Angeles Dodgers
Not particularly fair to Furcal because he has only had 100 at bats on the season (which was the minimum at bats I counted), he is an above average Shortstop every other season, but I'm just going by the numbers.  Only 1.77 runs produced per 27 outs?  Sorry Rafael, you are playing like shit in those 100 at bats.
Maybe I should add some style points...
Second Worst: Reid Brignac, Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Maybe someone needs to exorcise Tampa's shortstop just like the team's name, when they lost the Devil they won the AL East, if Brignac loses whatever demons are haunting him he might get his OBP to a respectable level for batting average, or at least his slugging percentage.  2.27 would be a phenomenal number if it were runs given up per game, not runs produced.

Still Very Bad: Paul Janish, Cincinnati Reds Louisville Bats
Producing 2.76 runs for every 27 outs you make explains why this guy is 28 and back in AAA.

Boooooooo!: Brandon Crawford, San Francisco Giants
They aren't going to win the World Series again if they have a shortstop who isn't even producing 3 runs by the  time he makes 27 outs.  Luckily for them, he's young (24), his actual runs produced per 27 outs is 7, and he is one of three Giants Shortstops to be considered.

The King of Shit: Tsuyoshi Nishioka, Minnesota Twins
Just because they are Japanese doesn't mean they are going to play like Ichiro.  Since he only has 107 at bats maybe they could blame the RP/27 of 3.15 on "jetlag" or "culture shock".
I thought Tsuyoshi Shinjo would've scared GMs away from the name.

Below Average
Still Not Creating a Win
Alex Gonzalez, Atlanta Braves, 3.55 RP/27
Cliff Pennington, Oakland Athletics, 3.62 RP/27
Yuniesky Betancourt, Milwaukee Brewers, 3.62 RP/27
Miguel Tejada, San Francisco Giants, 3.81 RP/27
Ian Desmond, Washington Nationals, 3.87 RP/27
Edgar Renteria, Cincinnati Reds, 3.88 RP/27

This is using the assumption that you can equate 4 runs to a win, which is probably not true in reality but I've heard it before so I used it.  I like this list of players though, its either over-the-hill veterans or young kids... Except for Betancourt.

I Hope All These Guys Are Role Players
Elliot Johnson, Tampa Bay Rays, 4.35 RP/27
Jason Bartlett, San Diego Padres, 4.38 RP/27
Alcides Escobar, Kansas City Royals, 4.45 RP/27
Ronny Cedeno, Pittsburgh Pirates, 4.46 RP/27
Ryan Theriot, St. Louis Cardinals, 4.65 RP/27
Derek Jeter, New York Yankees, 4.95 RP/27
Marco Scutaro, Boston Red Sox, 4.98 RP/27
Clint Barmes, Houston Astros, 5.09 RP/27

These guys aren't ruining your team, they just aren't likely to win you many games.  I would also like to congratulate Derek Jeter (Captain Groundout) on his 3,000th career hit, at least he has something to be happy about during his abysmal season.  None, of these guys surprise me as being  below average shortstops, most of them are pretty dispensable.
Finally!  I'm done taking out the trash!
Above Average
Don't Mind Having Them Around
Stephen Drew, Arizona Diamondbacks, 5.53 RP/27
Alexei Ramirez, Chicago White Sox, 5.69 RP/27
Jed Lowrie, Boston Red Sox, 5.76 RP/27
Starlin Castro, Chicago Cubs, 5.97 RP/27
Jimmy Rollins, Philadelphia Phillies, 5.98 RP/27

Look at these names, now look again at the last group.  That's the difference between a below average Shortstop and an above average Shortstop.  Unfortunately for me I had to put both of my fantasy league Shortstops in this list, I hoped they would be higher.  Also I heard Jed Lowrie walks around the locker room without pants because he is very well endowed, isn't that interesting!
He is giggling about how big his penis is.
Keepers
Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers, 6.02 RP/27
Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins, 6.10 RP/27
Jamey Carroll, Los Angeles Dodgers, 6.24 RP/27
Eduardo Nunez, New York Yankees, 6.35 RP/27
Mike Fontenot, San Francisco Giants, 6.42 RP/27
Erick Aybar, Los Angeles Angerls of Anaheim, 6.97 RP/27
Yunel Escobar, Toronto Blue Jays, 7.79 RP/27

Don't Jamey Carroll and Mike Fontenot stand out like sore thumbs on that list?  This is a strange place in the list because Nunez and Fontenot benefit from playing very well in a limited number of at bats, Carroll is randomly having a great year, and the rest are really good players.  What amazes me is how Yunel Escobar is the 6th best Shortstop, and he is far above Aybar, shows us how good these next 5 will be.

Cream of the Crop
Deserves the Money He Just Made: J.J. Hardy, Baltimore Orioles
Just recently signed a 3 year $22 Million extension with Baltimore, and I guess he might be earning that money thus far.  Completely snubbed from the All-Star Game, and I can't believe nobody else made much of a deal about it.  He was only slightly better than Yunel Escobar with 7.92 RP/27, but that is a phenomenal season.

Just 'Cause It Ain't September Yet: Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado Rockies
He is already producing 8.13 runs a game as a team, and that is before we realize that he usually doesn't warm up until mid-August.  I'm going to pencil him in for at least 9.5 by the end of the season and shit my pants on behalf of the rest of the N.L. West.  My personal pick for best Shortstop in the game.

The Conversation Piece: Asdrubal Cabrera, Cleveland Indians
So yes, Asdrubal Cabrera has currently cracked the top 3 Shortstops in the game as I previously suggested to my brother.  Please excuse me while I dance about being right.  Okay, I'm back.  Cabrera has 8.71 RP/27 and probably would give up about .4 runs per 27 outs defensively.  Yes, I am saying Asdrubal Cabrera could likely shut out a team if he pitched, caught and played every other position on the field.  He is either that good defensively, or so flashy that it deceives me.  His 8 errors probably suggests the latter, still top 3 shortstop in the game.
Every play he makes seems to be like this

Why Does Nobody Pay Attention To Him? Jhonny Peralta, Detroit Tigers
I expect this surprises a lot of people, but Peralta, much like every other positional player on the Tigers, is enjoying a great year with the bat.  He is over 3 runs better than average, with a 9.04 RP/27 and an All-Star appearance after Derek Jeter decided he was too tired to have fun or acknowledge his fans.  If the Tigers finally overtake the Indians for the AL Central crown, he will probably be a big deal.  Jhonny Peralta, remember the name.

NL MVP: Jose Reyes, New York Mets
The Mets can be proud of something, Reyes is incredible, and 30% better than Peralta with a RP/27 of 11.8.  124 hits, 185 total bases, 30 steals, .354/.398/.529, no more needs to be said.
He just always looks like he is having fun, I would too if I was the best at what I do.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Secrets Revealed

There are certain things an individual must accomplish to be successful in life regardless if you want to use your entrepreneurial skills to invent a new product, become a successful asshole in the business world, or make tons of money doing something you love. No one wants to be remembered as a failure. So as a highly respected blogger with just under 5 subscribers, I thought I would be the perfect person to tell you how to be successful. I also think that I should give back to all those people who have helped me become so successful and afford to carry forward in my life of leisure. So get out your notebooks and get ready to pen the words that will shape you into a winner.

Winners are the people at work who make the big bucks. If you want to make that kind of dough then you need to play the game right. Second best is not an option, besides, we all know that women go for the guys who make the most money. I want to help you score the woman of your dreams to revel in your success with you. Remember, behind every rich man is a beautiful lady, just watch out for the divorce papers. Life is all about being successful, which means that it's all about money. You need to get as much money as you possibly can so you can buy all the luxuries you don't need. You don't even want to know what I've been able to buy with all the proceeds from blogging, sometimes I envy myself.

I cannot wait to marry him
I absolutely guarantee that my great wisdom and understanding of success will lead you to your dream job and more importantly, your dream life. I would normally charge for such valuable information, but I owe all my success as a blogger to my plethora of subscribers. I wouldn't be ninety-nine hundred thousand short of a million without you. As a token of my good will, I present you with the key to success:

2 Rules of Success

1. Never tell everything you know







Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Origins of a Name

I didn't want to have to write the first two posts for this blog, but it looks like I'm going to have to backpack these slobs until they can find something to write about (joking).  My best idea for writing that I have now is just a little more insight into who I am, and why I only sometimes call myself Chase Robertson.
I'm almost done with this shit.
Among many other pieces of catchy bullshit, William Shakespeare once wrote "What's in a name?  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."  If you don't believe me compare his classical play with its semi-namesake Gnomeo & Juliet, or examine the immense difference between Eva Longoria and Evan Longoria (I still claim that to be the most important N of all time), now you see my point.  It is in the opposite stream of thought that I was in when I made my decision to adopt the name Chase Robertson for random intents and purposes.
Suck it Shakespeare, that's my job.
I can trace the idea back to a few years ago when my brother and a friend of his were going to the beach for a week and were making up fake names to use when talking to girls because they would likely only see them that once in their entire life, and it can be fun to be someone else for a day.  This struck me as particularly interesting because I have a very common first name (Shocker! My name isn't really Chase Robertson!) and have actually had people forget my name because it is so common they just guess another common name and get it wrong.  So I started out by trying to find a unique first name that I know would stick in people's heads when I told them, since I am a big baseball fan I eventually heard the name of Chase Utley and instantly liked the sound of the name Chase.   The last name came from my desire to keep my initials intact, because it would be a clever way of not being completely full of shit, and I went with a simple last name, Robertson.
Is it the name or the professional athlete part that makes him more attractive than me?
Now that we know the origins of Chase Robertson, we can now indulge into the character he turned out to be.  I kept the name on the back-burner for quite some time, but eventually in college I started using the name when I talked to girls when I was drunk, as well as in general when I was drunk.  My friends always thought it was a weird thing to do but to tell you the truth, I think making up stories and getting people to believe them is some of the most fun I've had at parties, it always reminds me of that part of the Catcher in the Rye when Holden is talking to one of his classmate's mom on the train.  After a few times out using the name, my friends embraced the name Chase Robertson as the collection of all my bad attributes, including the tendency to make up fake names and stories.  I have tried to keep him from coming out into the real world, and finally succeeded by allowing him to exist only in the Blogosphere.  And that is the story of why Chase Robertson writes and why he only sometimes calls himself Chase Robertson, I hope it wasn't a boring story, and continue checking us out at Retentive Gibberish.
I hope this isn't what we have going on now.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Inaugural Post

Hello there, my battery is about to die so I will be quick.  Today marks the start of a new era in blogging history.  This is the brainchild of Toninho and Chase Robertson.  We will start the world's greatest blog ever with the help of our esteemed compadres, Puggsy Bougues and Caleidoscope Jones.  We know our billions of subscribers have been awaiting this and despite many pleas from Blogger to not make this blog in fear that we will fill up all of their bandwidth and no other bloggers will be able to hone their craft to come anywhere near our skills.  You are welcome, so please enjoy.
Signed,
Those whose names are listed in the post above.
About .01% of our fans!